I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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