We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
