What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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