Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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