If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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