Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
