he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
