i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
