there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
