There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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