Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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