Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
