Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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