Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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