My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
