so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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