Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need a beard to bite.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
