I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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