My room smells like vodka and shame
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
