I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
