I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
