i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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