I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
