apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
