ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
