I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
