Pappa wants mamma naked
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
dude. I can hear the air.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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