Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
