The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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