I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
