Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
