Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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