you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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