All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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