soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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