Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
