That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
