Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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