I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize