We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
