I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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