i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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