its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
