brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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