Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
