Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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