I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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