Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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