just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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