i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
