She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
