Already got asked if we're dating
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
