the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
