I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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