just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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