i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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