Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize