Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
