after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
