I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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