College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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