Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
