I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
