Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
