Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
