Porn is love you can see.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
