dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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