I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
