I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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