Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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