You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i think i just lost a toe
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
