we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
