if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
