apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
